Healing the Wounds of “The Other Child” – A Zimbabwean Reflection

As we journey through our Mother Wounds series, we cannot ignore the deep, often unspoken pain carried by children born into complex, hidden, or socially condemned relationships. In Zimbabwean culture, the term “small house” is used to describe a woman who is in a relationship with a married man, often resulting in children who are born into secrecy, shame, and exclusion.

These children—“the other child”—grow up carrying invisible burdens: of silence, of partial acceptance, of being the secret someone tries to forget. The mother too often bears the weight of societal judgment while raising a child whose identity is shaped by whispers and denial. But what does healing look like for these children?

Biblical Hope in Hagar and Ishmael

In the Bible, we see a powerful parallel in the story of Hagar and her son Ishmael (Genesis 16 & 21). Hagar was not Abraham’s wife—she was the servant, the other woman, pushed into a role by human arrangement. Her son, Ishmael, was born out of this arrangement and later cast out when Sarah, the legitimate wife, gave birth to Isaac.

Hagar was sent away. Ishmael was rejected. Alone in the wilderness, they faced death—until God stepped in.

“God heard the boy crying, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven…” (Genesis 21:17)

God not only heard, He responded. He affirmed Ishmael’s future: “I will make him into a great nation.” This is a powerful reminder that God does not write off children born out of complex stories. He sees, He hears, and He restores.

Modern Ishmaels: Hidden but Not Forgotten

Across Zimbabwe and the diaspora, many adults today are wrestling with wounds from being “the other child”—excluded from family gatherings, only acknowledged in secret, or blamed for a relationship they didn’t choose. The result? Low self-worth, identity confusion, and a deep yearning for validation.

Some overperform to prove they belong. Others retreat in silence. But underneath both responses is a cry to be seen—not just as the small house child but as a full, beloved human being.

Freedom for the Wounded

Healing begins by confronting the lie: “I am less than because of how I was born.” No, you are not less than. Your origin story may be messy, but your destiny is still divine.

Like Ishmael, you are:

• Named by God (Genesis 16:11)

• Seen by God (El Roi – Genesis 16:13)

• Promised a future (Genesis 21:18)

We must also speak to the mothers—those who raised children in these circumstances, often alone, judged, or silenced. Your story matters too. God sees your tears, your sacrifices, and your desire to nurture even when it hurt.

A Call to Community: Stop the Silence

Freedom requires honesty. As a nation, a culture, and a people of faith, we must stop treating these children as footnotes. The church must not ignore them. Families must not exclude them. And healing ministries must embrace them.

As we reflect, let’s ask:

• Who do I need to forgive—my parents, society, or myself?

• Am I carrying wounds from being the other child?

• How can I break the cycle of rejection in my own family?

You are not a mistake. You are not the other. You are seen. You are loved. You are chosen