When the One Who Was Meant to Love You Hurts You: Finding Wisdom in What We Cannot Change

Some wounds don’t bleed, they echo. They live quietly beneath our laughter, our confidence, and even our faith. For many, that silent ache began in childhood, when the person who was meant to love, protect, or affirm us became the source of our deepest pain.

Parental rejection cuts differently. It’s not just about what was said or done, but what wasn’t, the hug that never came, the affirmation that was never spoken, the apology that never arrived. We grow older, but the child within still waits, hoping that one day, they’ll finally see us, hear us, love us. And yet, some apologies never come. Some parents never change. Some wounds are never mended in the way we imagined.

 That is where wisdom begins, in the sacred space between what we hoped for and what reality gave us.

The Ache of Unfinished Love

As adults, many of us carry the residue of childhood rejection into our relationships, faith, and even our self-worth. We overperform to prove our value. We withdraw to avoid further pain. We chase love, hoping someone else will fill what a parent left empty.

But healing doesn’t begin with what they do, it begins with what we choose. Forgiveness is not dismissal or invalidation of the hurt. It is sincerity to accept what happened, to face it with truth rather than denial.

It is whispering, “It wasn’t right. It shouldn’t have happened. But I won’t let it define me any longer.”

Acceptance Is Not Approval

Acceptance is often misunderstood. It doesn’t mean we approve of the hurt, excuse the neglect, or pretend the pain is gone.

It means we choose peace over perpetual waiting. It means recognising that we cannot rewrite their choices, but we can rewrite the narrative that lives within us.

 Wisdom is learning that some parents may never give what they didn’t have to begin with.

And grace is allowing that truth to bring understanding, not bitterness.

The Freedom of Letting Go

 Letting go is not weakness. It is the courage to stop carrying what was never ours to fix. It’s saying, “I release you, not because you were right, but because I need to be free.”

 When we stop striving for love that may never come in the form we expected, we make space for God to fill the void Himself. He becomes the Father who never abandons, the Mother who never forgets, the Healer who binds up the brokenhearted.

“There is freedom in accepting that some things are beyond our control. Wisdom begins where striving ends.”

Choosing Redemption

Dear heart, you may never get the apology you deserved, but you can still get the healing you need.

You can rewrite your story through forgiveness, through faith, through the quiet courage to accept and move forward. Because forgiveness is not weakness, it is wisdom wrapped in love.

It is acceptance that says: “I release you, and I reclaim me.”

Reflection:

What part of your story are you still trying to change?

What would it look like to accept it, release it, and allow God to redeem it instead?